Heartwarming Nisekoi Crossovers
by OverMaster
Summary: WARNING: Actually not heartwarming content. As a matter of fact, it's mostly rather cynical, satiric stuff, and later chapters might not even have any crossing over stuff. Anyway, come in and enjoy the False Love! Although actually, there's not much love either, not even false. Sheesh. Aaaahhh! And Tsugumi! I forgot putting any Tsugumi in the first chapter! Truly, I'm the worst...


Blah blah blah, Nisekoi belongs to Shueisha and Komi Naoshi, not me,

Blah blah, blah, I make no money from this, parody equals legal use.

Let's get it on with the show. Also, Ruri Best Girl, like Ruris tend to be.

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><p><strong>HEARTWARMING NISEKOI CROSSOVERS.<strong>

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiLove Hina Crossover.**

A pale Keitaro looked into his right pocket, then pulled a key out.

Raku gasped aloud.

Keitaro slowly, weakly smiled. "Often, when I was little... they'd tease me, saying I looked like a whiny girl..."

"They... They often said the same of me..." confessed Raku.

They ran ahead to hug their 'promise girl' from so long ago, in the old sandbox...

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><p>"We have something quite important to tell you..." they said at once, holding hands, while Naru and Chitoge grew instinctively tense. Onodera and Shinobu grew nervous. Shuu and Mitsune raised their eyebrows in surely purely coincidential synchrony.<p>

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><p>Mutsumi thought it was a very nice wedding.<p>

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiBatman Crossover.**

"Boss!" Claude said. "Are you sure about this?"

The blond haired Don laughed. "Of course I am! We all are! Together, my Chitoge and Raku-kun here will put an end to this war and lead the merged families to a new age of prosperity!"

As Raku and Chitoge blanched together in a mixture of panic, disgust and WTF, the Yakuza and Mafia armies, after a few moments of stunned silence, began raising their arms and cheering for both their leaders and their children, their voices deafening all over the ancestral home.

Then a huge maniac clad in black crashed through the ceiling and kicked all of their asses.

Chitoge and Raku considered it a real rescue.

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiBlack Lagoon Crossover.**

Chitoge, Raku, Onodera, Marika, Ruri and Shuu walked down the street, back from school.

Raku couldn't help, as usual, to mull on his current situation and wish for a way out. It wasn't like he didn't appreciate all these people, in his own way, but the constant pressure of that seemingly eternal forced love polygon already was wearing him out of his wits. He would give almost anything for a way out by now, he-

Then, as they approached a corner, a black car stopped before them. A wildly grinning bleached blond hair peeked out the back window. As well as two hands holding twin guns. The man laughed crassly as he opened fire on them.

As the car sped away, the driver sweated bullets. "Man, Chaka! That was the police commissioner's daughter! This fucking bet of yours better works or we'll have the Ichijous, the Wogners, AND the pigs after our asses!"

Chaka kept laughing as he enjoyed the wind on his face. "Relax, man! Yukio-chan will get it pinned on calling the hit, and all we need is staying fuckin' low until she's done! By then, everyone will fault it on everyone else because their kids couldn't protect the others too, and with no heirs left, all we have to do is to come back after they've weeded each other off and take over. It's flawless, man! Flawless!"

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><p>"- and then, after the Russians walked in, killed Chaka and took over the destroyed families, the Russian Queen lived happily ever after. The end," Boris said as he closed the door.<p>

Balalaika, resting on her bed in pajamas and a sleeping cap, hugging a hideously scarred teddy bear against her chest, almost sniffed, but didn't because evil badasses don't do that. "That was beautiful. Now tell me the story of Hansel, Gretel and the evil witch that had them killed, please?"

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiSuperman Crossover**.

"I finally found the girl with the key," he informed the gathered mobs, with a dead serious face. "And we want to be together, from now on."

The Beehive and the Ichijou family looked up to stare at the gigantic golden key, so huge that it couldn't fit into the house, forcing the meeting to take place outside. Then their gazes went down, to the blond girl with the red cape and the miniskirt holding the key over her head. Using only one hand.

"I can't even fathom how this is supposed to work," Raku's father said, "But... I agree. I sort of have to, don't I?"

Even Claude had to concede the point.

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiHayate the Combat Butler Crossover.**

Raku stood in their way. "Ryuu," he dryly said, "where the hell are you taking this kid?"

Ryuu stopped immediately, of course. "Um, Aniki, I was just dragging this punk after we gave him his punishment, that's all..."

"I can see that, yeah. And exactly why were you punishing him?"

"... because he dared fighting us, Aniki..."

"Of course. And why would he feel like he'd have to fight you, then?" Raku patiently asked.

"Ryuu..."

"... because he wouldn't let us pull his organs out..."

"RYUU!"

"But Aniki!" the tall man pulling the pummeled blue haired boy protested, as the rest of the Yakuza scattered away, "It was his obligation, see? His parents signed a fair contract with us, and he had to make good on it! That's the honorable way!"

Raku passed a hand down his own face. "THERE'S NOTHING HONORABLE ABOUT SELLING YOUR OWN CHILDREN'S ORGANS IN THE FIRST PLACE!" he said. Then he looked back at Chitoge and mumbled, "You must be finding this very entertaining, right? C'mon, spit it out already. Mock us over being barbaric enough to trade with human organs..."

The daughter of the Beehive gang raised her hands. "I'm not judging."

Raku blinked. "Wait, so does your family-"

"AND I'M ASKING YOU NOT TO JUDGE, IN TRADE!"

Raku sighed, then looked at Ryuu again. "Surely there mist be a way for him to repay us, right? Let's say we hire him as our... butler...?"

"But Aniki," he said, "You already have a butler!"

"Fine! Then my combat butler!"

"Combat butler?" the blue haired boy finally asked.

Raku shrugged, pointing at all the bruises his father's men had. "You did that, right?"

"Ah, yes, sorry..."

"All by yourself?"

The blue haired boy nodded while Ryuu and his subordinates shifted on their feet awkwardly.

And Raku smiled. "Alright! It's decided, then! What's your name?"

"Ah... Hayate! Ayasaki, sir!"

"Oh, just call me Raku!"

Hilarity Ensued.

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiMartian Successor Nadesico Crossover**.

_We have replaced Ruri and Ruri with each other. Let's see if anyone notices the difference..._

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><p>"Baka," Ruri muttered.<p>

Onodera lowered her head and whimpered, "I'm sorry..."

Ruri turned to Raku. "Baka baka," she said.

"So sorry..." he added, looking down.

Then Ruri waited. Somehow, they weren't answering to her pointing out how much alike they were as she had thought.

This matchmaker stuff was tougher than it looked...

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><p>Meanwhile, the Nadesico crashed down while starting its maiden trip, killing hundreds.<p>

"I told them I wasn't a qualified computer navigator!" Ruri protested during her trial.

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiBleach Crossover**.

"... no," Raku said, firmly.

And Rukia blinked. "What do you mean with 'No'?"

"No means no, that's it!" Raku replied. "Bleach has fallen down, way down, the ranks of Shounen Jump's best selling manga, while Nisekoi is still going strong and steady! Your anime was cancelled like one year ago, while we've been picked up for a second season! So it'd have to be crazy to take your powers! Shoo! Shoo!"

With that, he pushed away the hilt of the sword Rukia had been offering him.

Rukia and the Hollow stared at each other, horrified and stupified, and then walked away together, weeping in shame.

Raku folded his arms and huffed.

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiGodzilla/Bambi Crossover**.

During her walk through the forest, Marika stopped to look down at a strange, large red splortch all over the grass.

"What is this?" she wondered. "Ewwww! It, it looks like a mangled-"

Then a gigantic scaly foot came down on her.

**CRUNCH!**

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiDanganronpa Crossover**.

"- nah," Monokuma ended up saying. "You won't be part of the game after all. I just remembered, gorillas are an endagered species that needs our protection!"

Being branded as such for the whole game's duration gave Chitoge more despair and frustration than any execution, so it worked out as expected.

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiBible Black Crossover**.

"M-M-Maybe with this..." Raku pondered, suddenly going red-faced, and leaking smoke out his ears, "... I could, I could make Onodera fall in love with me...!"

Then, suddenly, he sobered up, shaking his head to himself. "N-No, how silly... Anyway, I couldn't bring myself to do that even if it worked!"

He looked at the classmate heading his way through the hall. "Hey, Raku," the taller boy greeted.

"Oh, hey there, Minase," Raku greeted back. "Hmmm... Would you like to keep this book I found? I don't think I have an use for it, really, so..."

Minase blinked, then grabbed the offered book and took a good look at it.

You know the rest. At least if you're a hentai-watching pervert, that is.

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><p><strong>A Heartwarming NisekoiSuper Danganronpa 2 Crossover**.

"Oh, the gorilla again?" Monokuma mused, tapping his chubby fingers on his chin. "Seriously, what kind of inhuman black soul keeps pulling harmless stupid apes into these dangerous games, I wonder...?"

"OH, SCREW YOU, ASSHOLE!" Chitoge delicately screamed.

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><p><strong>In Your Departure<strong>.

"Okay, folks, " the Shounen Jump Executive told his assembled cast, "now Naruto has ended, you'll understand we have been left with a large hole in our action lineup. But fret not, because we have another retarded asspulling series with idiot protagonists ready to fill the void."

"We're giving Luffy a spinoff?" asked Ichigo.

"You're giving me another push, aren't you? Arent' you!?" Toriko desperately pleaded.

"Are we buying UQ Holder from Kodansha?" asked Gintoki.

Goku peeked in. "Am I due for a comebac—"

"No, " the executive bluntly said.

"Oh, " Goku said, and disappeared from sight again.

"Then, " Rukia spoke, "are we pushing Hunter X Hunter into actually shipping regularly and in time?"

Laughs abounded.

"Oh, Kuchiki-san, never change..." Nico Robin said.

"I know, I know, right..."

"Actually, " the executive said, "since new series are a major liability, we're retooling a preexisting property of ours into the genre we need sustaining at the time. Ladies, gentlemen, I give you... the all new _Nisekoi_!"

Raku walked in shirtless and wearing red gloves. "This is gonna suck..." he muttered.

Medaka snorted. "You should have consulted me before."

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><p><strong>NEXT<strong>: Who knows? Certainly not me!


End file.
